Escaping to Queen’s

Military college is great, but nobody can argue the fact that its military foundations can cause school to be a bit more tedious than their civilian counterparts. I often find myself pressured and singled-out when I’m at school. I think it has to do something with not respecting authority and not following orders during my first year of schooling .

So I like to study at Queen’s Stauffer library. I get to catch-up with my civilian friends from high school, the atmosphere is casual and pleasant, and there are a lot more books here than at Massey library. The air conditioning is great and the temperature is just right. I always get my best work done at the library.

Stauffer library is a 50 minute walk from my dormitory.

I am not a BIG FAGGOT

I have a good friend of mine who used to post things on my wall with such enthusiasm and friendliness that he often forgot that there are other people besides myself who look at my wall. Examples of his posts include the following:

Have one’s cake and eat it too

Today, I heard that someone cried. I was sympathetic and shocked – the way that her friends described the experience was heart shattering to me. The last thing I expected to hear was that I had majorly contributed to this problem.

She was upset because she felt used – what happened was that she did so much work for our group project that I can safely say that she saved the rest of us from humiliation. Ironically, she was the one who I complained about in my past post “Some Project”.

The long e-mail that she sent me did upset me severely. On the other hand, the more I think about it, the less I seem justified in retorting by posting the issue on my blog. I was not thinking straight when I wrote it. Ultimately, I believe that she suffered more than anyone else in the group – she did the majority of the work, and she did not complain about it ever since she read the post that I published online.

The worst part is that I knew, while working on this project, that she had an unfair share of work. I recall offering my help – asking her what part of the project she’s doing now, and how I could help her with the project. In some small ways, I did help out.

On the other hand, even though she was aware of the unfair share of work that she had to do, she didn’t seem to want to pass some of the labor to me. I must have lost her trust the moment I published that blog.

All I could do was just stay awake until she went offline on MSN Messenger at around 2-3 am. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep comfortably knowing that someone else was doing the work that should have been equally spread to all members.

So I guess this post is a way for me to try and redeem myself. I’m not saying that this person, or any other members in my group were entirely at fault. I’m just trying to redeem my portion of guilt that made this project a mess, and caused undue tension on the shoulders of one individual for whom I have nothing less than respect and esteem.

All I can hope for is that she can forgive my shortsightedness, for she is a loyal friend and humble individual that I do not want to lose contact with.