Poetry from the Blue Break Room 6

On the Meadow

In the fields of Hades, the soldiers run away

Talking of the greatness to be achieved today.

 

The rotting trees I have seen

The rusty sap I saw descend

The broken night skies I glimpsed in sudden lights

Scrawled into memory as poppies do blow.

 

And the dust swirls around

Squeaking about on the ground,

Whipping its tail of precipitate,

Hesitating, failing to find escape.

 

The grass ticks, and the tree tocks

The finger is glued to the trigger and the shoulder to the stock.

 

And if I lie here, thumbs frozen, legs broken,

And if I listen to the ticking grass and the tocking tree,

Who will ever know that I am here, and how long will I stay?

And what will become of me?

These fields and forests loom like palisades in my path.

 

And what should I do?

Should I stand up and die?

Maybe I shall lift myself like fallen trees do

From time to time.

 

In the fields of Hades the soldiers run away

Talking of the greatness to be achieved today.

 

And the dust that circles around,

The dust that settles on my scarlet clothes

And nibbles me away

Like cheeses on a silver plate

Seem to be as trapped as I am.

 

And in the distance, I hear the shrill voices of women;

I will never see them.

I hear the cocking of a rifle,

And the cries of lost children fluttering through the night.

 

And in the distance, I hear the clanging of canteens.

I will never quench my thirst.

I hear the fumbling of a magazine,

And the fuming of cigarettes hissing by my face.

 

The green prison bars ahead disable,

Fingers twitch, barrels smile,

And hateful embers impale.

Poetry from the Blue Break Room 5

Pushups

Camouflaged

Adolescents in rank

Furious instructors in black

 

The earth

Suddenly gets closer, then farther, then closer, then farther.

It is an earthquake, and the ocean pours over it

with salty water.

 

Suddenly, the ground stops moving,

and the wind stops howling.

 

Watch the menial labour of the ants below.

 

 

Poetry from the Blue Break Room 4

Why I am Here

Purpose unseen or heard

Doubt everywhere, emerging like a plague.

 

Then, stories from above

Come after considerable lag.

 

They shun the pestilence away;

I know now why I am here today.

 

Poetry from the Blue Break Room 3

This is Our Holiday

 

Candidates sitting outside, holding the cigarettes that

Cast syringe-like shadows from the street lamp overhead,

Which forms clumps of blurred silhouettes out

Of tired bodies on the carefree cement.

 

Wet circles appear with a plop

And mark their place within the darkness

Like muted fireworks on display

 

Two hours to kill after a long hard day

We will watch the rain and stay.

This is our holiday.

Poetry from the Blue Break Room 2

Pennant

Platoon pennant flies

Do we deserve to have it?

I can never tell.

 

 

Poetry from the Blue Break Room

Chatter

Filling the break room

Chatter of future leaders

“The Captain is hot!”

Week 2

Week 2

Monday

Before I fell asleep on Sunday night, I did some workouts in my room. I know I shouldn’t be exercising outside of training periods so that I can get enough rest, but ever since I’ve gotten here, I’ve lost some weight and gotten in better shape. I figured I might as well get as fit as I can while I am here.

In the morning, we had PT again, and then a topography class. Today was also our first day of first aid training.

First aid was especially horrible – I found the lesson content to be quite repetitive. Also, the civilian staff treat us like crap. Sure, the military instructors don’t make us too happy, but at least they respect our dignity. Not true with the civilians. The platoon is quite angry that people who haven’t gone through basic training are treating them so rudely. One female instructor with blonde hair is fond of putting candidates down.

Tuesday

We had morning PT from 0510 to 0545, and then we showered, ate breakfast, and then cleaned our rooms until 0650. 0700 was our inspection, and it went pretty poor for the platoon. They found a pubic hair in one of the platoon toilets. I don’t know whether to laugh or to fear the repercussions of not being able to keep the common washrooms clean as a platoon.

Next we had a drill for about an hour. We marked time (alternating knee 90 degree knee-lifts) for quite some time, and now my heel hurts from stomping the ground so hard when bringing my leg down. Next we had another PT – circuit training.

Again, we had first aid classes. A master corporal with the loudest voice I had ever heard yelled at us so hard that the entire platoon seemed to be petrified. It’s funny – 60 adolescents with beads of sweat forming on their noses, standing straight and looking forward at the roaring of a middle-aged, out-of-shape master corporal. I guess when you’re part of the masses, group mentality can have a positive feedback effect on influence.

At night, I went outside for a breath of fresh air and met a man named Vincent. He is married to a Korean woman, and lives in Toronto. He told me his life story, about his contracting business, how the military hospital gave him a drug that caused his stomach lining to practically begin melting away, and more. He is around 40 years old, and he has a huge house in Toronto with a swimming pool in the backyard. He has two sons, and he gets to visit Korea once or twice a year. I’ve only ever visit my own home country once. I wonder how long it will take for me to get what he has?

Thereafter, I spent a lot of time lying down on the grass outside the north doors with my friend, Young. We seem to click well with each other since we can freely talk about our feelings and thoughts on a variety of things. When I lie down on the grass and look at the sky, I also take my phone and play Claude Debussy and reflect. It doesn’t really help me with anything, but I like to think it does. To be honest, things can get pretty boring during basic even though you are so busy every day. When I’m not bored, it probably means I’m too busy to take a break from training. So when I get to lie down and listen to Debussy, I feel like I’m experiencing the “perfect boredom”, where boredom is appreciated in and of itself because it signifies freedom to me.

Wednesday

We had morning PT again – we were forced to hold the plank position for 2 minutes, and then had a 2 minute break. This repeated for 30 some odd minutes. By the end, my abs were made of jello. We had a short timing thereafter – I climbed down 7 floors, marched 300 meters to the mess, ate a breakfast sandwich in 2 minutes, marched back 300 meters, and climbed up 7 floors just to get to my room. This took about 10 minutes total. Thereafter, we had to prepare for inspection.

When we are preparing for inspections in the mornings, some people in my pod don’t help out with anything and sit lazily in their rooms while others are brushing floors, dusting nooks and crannies, and mopping. I wish the staff could be there to evaluate integrity and sense of duty, but then again, if instructors were there then people wouldn’t be lazy. I guess it can’t be helped.

One of the cadets here really angers me as well. The cadet is really experienced in the military, having done BMQ and reserve training before coming to RMC, but he can’t seem to correct other people’s mistakes without criticizing them or making them feel bad about themselves. Everyone is different, and some people won’t be able to perform as well as others until they have some more time to grow up or change, but putting them down is one thing I cannot stand.

I keep standing up for the cadets who often get made fun of, but I feel that this might make many enemies for me. At the same time, standing up against “bullying” is something I am proud of. I’m going to try to stop bullying on an after-action basis by having a frank, friendly, one-on-one chat with the cadets that do the taunting. Of course, everyone here is still reasonable, and deep down, they all want to become better people. This is why I trust my comrades even when they put each other down.

We had first aid for the rest of the day. This time, the civilian staff was an old Frenchman. He was so friendly and polite, that I actually felt like learning first aid for the first time. I wish all classes were taught with respect, but this is an impossibility because there are those that fool around and don’t listen when instructors are nice. For a subject such as first-aid, it is critical that everyone knows completely what they are doing. So I guess this cannot be helped either.

Thursday

Today, we had a free morning, and then an inspection at 0700. We had PT (physical training) after inspections today and I liked it a lot. It was running class, and they taught us how to run better. The platoon commander was watching from the bleachers. I ran extra hard for our Lieutenant Navy. I guess I understand now why the mere presence of an officer can be a big morale boost. I’m anxious to be able to boost the morale of my subordinates some day.

Next, we had first aid classes again. We performed CPR on adult and infant mannequins. Seeing 60 future officers crouched on the floor, carrying choking baby dolls and administering back blows was not funny at first, but the more I think about it, the more I laugh. Group mentality can make people do silly things and keep them from seeing the silliness of their actions completely.

At the end of the day one of our sergeants was very angry and gave us a long speech. He didn’t yell, and he didn’t disrespect anyone. It turns out that a quiet, lecturing can be the most painful at times. He commented on our poor morale, our inability to work as a team, our irresponsibility, and compared them to the expectations of an officer. His words were so true that I would have rather done PT than listen to what he said. One thing that remains burned in my mind is that he says that people can either salute you or your rank.  A captain that does poorly will receive only salutes for his rank, and nothing else. I never want to be saluted simply for the symbols I wear on my shoulders.

Friday

Finally, Friday.

We had morning PT involving chin ups and planks. Then we had a first aid review class. It was pretty uneventful like last week’s Friday.

Saturday

Today we went to the war museum in Ottawa. Although I had a lot of fun looking around at the various exhibits, we were given a sheet of questions to answer while touring the museum, and thus I couldn’t enjoy the museum as much as I could. On lunch break, Young and I walked to the roof of the war museum where a small field of poppies were in bloom. I can see why John McCrae was so touched by the poppy fields in Flanders. Will the later struggles in my military life be represented as such beautiful red flowers? I don’t even know if I will ever go through anything that physically difficult once I become a logistics or legal officer. So I feel guilty about thinking that I should ever deserve the blood red beauty of the poppy.

Sunday

We went to the cemetery today to show our respects to the fallen soldiers of past and present. We marched off the buses and made a circle around a large cross. We heard O Canada, The Last Post, and God save the Queen. The sun was in our eyes, and I could feel that many didn’t want to be there that day because some people were looking around with their eyes while the songs were playing instead of looking straight and concentrating their efforts in silent reflection. After, we were given thirty minutes to roam the cemetery.

They say that this is one of Canada’s oldest cemeteries. I saw tombstones dated from the the 1700s. If I ever die on a mission, will I be visited by hundreds of recruits and officer candidates? It is a sad thought that I can’t seem to avoid. What I really learned today was that it is not one tombstone that makes a war cemetery, it is the efforts of all soldiers that die in combat that makes a war cemetery. To that effect, I will make sure to at least try add to that effort more than the average officer does

Week One

Day 1

We were very busy on the first day. We had a 1.5 hour briefing in the morning then went upstairs to clean our rooms. Even though people had been sweating all day they couldn’t take a shower because of a lack of time. Next we went to the drill hall to be evaluated on military drill. We were there for almost three hours. We marked time like there was no tomorrow. I remember my body heat fogging up my glasses. I still dont understand how marching can possibly make me sweat so hard.

My section’s sergeant is a woman and to be frank, we are all intimidated by her. At the end of drill she made us do pushups. She did 10 one handed pushups while keeping a smile on her face. It was the epitome of fear.

After drill we had lunch and then we were sent to the barbers to have our heads shaved. One by one we filed in and lost hair clumps of individuality. They made us purchase various things we would need for the rest of our course. The total amounted to 200 dollars worth of goods. The whole thing took the entire day and when we were finished we had dinner and then were sent upstairs to go clean our rooms and polish our boots.

I volunteered to do then laundry for my section so I headed down 6 flights of stairs carrying 8 smelly laundry bags. I washed and dried the contents of each bag. It took the entire evening. Luckily I brought my LSAT book to study while I was there. From what I remember it was a fucking oven in the laundry room – close to 40 degrees. Spending four hours there was quite depressing and I felt quit dehydrated.

An entire day spent cleaning rooms and common areas and doing drill. We were told to wake up tomorrow at 0630 hours. I crashed on my bed without time to shower.

Day 2

First thing in the morning was physical training. We woke up to the barking of a master corporal. Apparently we are supposed to wake up no later than 0600 at the mega. He filed us into the hallway and intimidated a lot of the cadets. We grumbled later on about how we were ordered to wake up at 0630.

In any case we proceeded downstairs for physical training. It was quite hard – a circuit of pushups situps leg lifts planks and lunges. Each exercise was followed by a 0.4 kilometer sprint. Somebody threw up but no body could break formation to help her.

Next we headed upstairs for a shower then cleaned our rooms. We were inspected by our section sergeant then we filed downstairs for a stress management briefing. The instructor gave us time to relax and turned on an audio file with a man with a relaxing voice talking about mountains. somebody joked that it was Morgan Freeman talking to us in that recording. That class was a life saver. Many were already on the edge of fatigue.

Next we had another physical training period. We ran pretty hard for an hour. My section won a relay race but the prize was “pride”. I was half expecting extra time for showers. At shower time I slipped and fell, bruising both my knees in the process. I recoiled in pain and also missed my 8 minute window to take a shower and change. Rubbing against other sweaty men, I just changed back into my uniform still soaked in sweat.

At lunch I smelt disgusting and I lost my appetite.

This was followed by a briefing on winter combat, and then a class on how to tie Swiss seats – restraints made from rope that are used as harnesses for rappelling. They were bound so tight to our bodies that some people discovered bruises and rashes on their hips when showering later in the evening. We joked around slapping each other on our bruises – at this point anything other than training is fair entertainment.

As I did the laundry in the evening I got symptoms of a cold. I also bumped into a sergeant while marching in the hallway and was told to watch my step. I told him to fucking move out of my way. He had long hair and was wearing civilian clothing so I assumed he was a recruit. when I realized he was a sergeant I quickly apologized and wished him a good evening. I am anxious to see that nothing comes of this incident in the following days.

course is pretty bad but I’m getting a strengthened appreciation for every freedom I had in my life.

Day 3

It is the first of may. We started the morning at 0500 hours. We did a long run. The same girl from before threw up during the sprint portion. I am worried about her health but her determination in the face of difficulty gives me strength. My bruised knees hurt pretty bad so I appreciated every bit of morale strengthening I received for the barfing girl.

Next we ran up to our rooms on the sixth floor to shower and get ready for inspection. Our sergeant gave us 25 pushups at the end of each of our inspections. A master seaman told me to never say the number 22 again because it represents the vingt-deuxieme regiment and we are not good enough to say the number. I was told to pass it onto the rest of my platoon. The next person to say the number 22 will give me another 25 pushups.

Next we spent the rest of the morning being taunt how to properly polish our boots and do other menial tasks.

We ha lunch and then shuffled to the quarter master to be issued kit for the course. It took 8 hours and my legs were tired from lugging three bags full of equipment up to the sixth floor. I was also assigned the position of platoon commander for the evening and the next day. I had to organize the un packing of the entire platoons issued kit and the preparation of a standard for the fighting order for tomorrows field day fir leadership assessment.

My leadership position started off horribly. The common area became crowded with equipment and there was general chaos and disorders because we had a 30 minute time limit to get everyone their three bags of kit that were randomly piled into a small room.

Fortunately we succeeded and I was able to organize the platoon for tomorrow morning’s field expedition.

I have 60 pairs of eyes looking up to me for the next 24 consecutive hours. Will I be able to lead? I am nervous.

Day 4

Today is LPAC day – leadership potential assessment course day. We woke up at 0430 and I lead the platoon to breakfast. Then we filed out equipped with full fighting order. One person forgot their bush cap and so the entire platoon had to wait on her while the sergeant jacked me up fir failing to ensure everyone had their equipment. I found out that a close friend of mine couldn’t form up with us because he was sick and barfing. I later found out that he was diagnosed with bronchitis.

It started raining. We boarded the buses. I couldn’t sleep a wink the hour drive to the Farnham training area. Once we got there though we had a lot of fun. I got to slide down a rope from a tower to cross a river. I also got to rappel off a 34 foot tower.

Later we were tested on our leadership. We were given an obstacle and had to lead a section through the obstacle in 20 minutes. I did a bit better than average. Although I am disappointed at the outcome I am confident that I will improve my leadership capabilities throughout this course.

At lunch time we had barely twenty minutes to secure our kit, march tot the mess, clear out of the mess, and resecure our kits again. I still do not understand I got 60 people to do this in 17 minutes but my assessor commended me for it.

During LPAC four people lost various kit. I organized search parties to find them and luckily we found them all. The consequences of losing kit would have been lots and lots of pushups. I am glad I was able to lead the effort to search and find the equipment. The feeling I got when some platoon mates thanked me for saving them from an evening of pushups was unreal. I want to feel this way for the rest of my life.

I ended the day getting ready for tomorrow morning’s inspection. I passed off my position to my second in command. And felt relaxed for the first time in 24 hours.

Today I learned one important thing about leadership. Even though a leader has the power to command, a leader is also accountable for the performance of his people. Thus, the leader is much more dependent on his people than the people are. A leader must be able to squeeze out the last drops of performance from his people by persuasion in order to excel.

Day 5

Quite uneventful. We had morning physical training and a briefing on conflict resolution. We then went over how to set up our ruck sacks and gas mask carriers. Our first weekend commenced at 1600 hours.

Everyone is busy organizing the standard for the newly expanded inspection standard. I can’t stop looking forward to the weekend. They say we only have one physical training session and two inspections during the whole weekend.

That just about sums up my first week at the mega. I hope to be able to learn more about leadership in the weeks to come.